How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
