can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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