i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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