I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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