I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
