The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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