I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
