i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize