from now on my penis is your penis
I bet he comes in French.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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