I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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