i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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