so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
