Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize