where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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