This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
