That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
