I faked an abortion last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
