i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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