u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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