Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
