i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
