I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
