I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
