i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
