Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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