Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
