trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
