That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
