I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
