we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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