So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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