I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
