I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
