i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
