I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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