She is in my trunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
