Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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