Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am one with the molecules
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
