my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
