there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
