Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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