Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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