Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
