Betty ford says i'm here all night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
