My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
