ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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