And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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