Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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