This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
