so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize