biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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