This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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