she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it glows. i had to have it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
