butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
