I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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