I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
