peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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