Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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