Small penises have feelings too.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
