Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
