You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
