I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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