No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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