Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
