yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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