I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
