So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
