I wanna passion pit in your ass
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
