Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
