Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
