would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
