I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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