so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
