My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
