Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I AM VODKA MAN
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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