Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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