i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
