Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
