i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
