I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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