i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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