I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
