somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
