just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
