I cannot find my penis.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
