just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
