there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
