oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
