so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize