I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
