got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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