My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
