Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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