Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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